the one where i complain about my job.

mainly i'm just a little sad today. sad that while there are many moments of joy in my profession--moments in which i feel that all the time and effort and love i put into my job each day has paid off and made even a tiny difference to a child. these are the times where all the frustration, exhaustion, and ridiculous amount of work seem to be worth it. then there are days where i feel like i try and try and try to reach out to a child, to make that child see that i care about them, regardless of their behavior and poor choices that frustrate me--and i keep trying and trying and trying...and yet nothing seems to work. the child continues down the same path, regardless of positive or negative reinforcement, regardless of special incentives and rewards, regardless of ANYTHING. this is one of those days. And i hate to be that teacher that gives up on a student, that finally says, ok, i've tried, and i'm tired of nothing i do getting through to this child, so i'm done trying. She'll be someone else's problem in a couple of months. but after today, i am seriously close to resigning myself to that attitude, and i hate that.

it's definitely frustrating when you keep trying to see the good in someone, trying to give someone the benefit of the doubt, and not ever seeing the confirmation that you did right. i don't know; there really is "only so much one person can do," and that's what i tell myself all the time when it comes to students who come to me struggling severely. but even with THOSE children this year i have seen significant improvement. i guess at least i have that; i can feel good about the part i have played in this year of those students' lives, at least. yeah, that's what i'm going with. =)

see, i can't decide today if i'm a pessimist or an optimist? my glass is just half something. oh well. tomorrow is another day! sigh. seriously, though: how many days till summer?