The Non-Blessings of Pregnancy

WARNING: this post may not be appropriate for men or for women who have never been pregnant and plan to be one day. Continue reading at your own risk!

The negative things I knew about pregnancy before I got pregnant:

1) "morning sickness"

2) you gain a lot of weight

The negative things about pregnancy I know about NOW (28 & 1/2 weeks along):

1) "morning sickness?" more like "all day and all night sickness."

2) the previous "my legs get hail damage when i cross them" syndrome turns into "my legs are covered in hail damage no matter how i sit or stand" syndrome.

3) heartburn. horrible, horrible heartburn that sometimes goes for 24 hours with no relief. (God, thank you for Protonix.)

4) the inability to sleep due to having such a fat belly that there IS no comfortable position.

5) lots and lots of discharge that requires me to wear panty liners even though there is NO PERIOD. so much for saving money there for 10 months.

6) having to pee constantly, but only peeing out a tiny little bit at a time, only to have to pee again 15 minutes later, again yielding only about 6 drops.

7) waddling.

8) not being able to bend over to put on pants. or socks. or shoes. etc.

9) it's really difficult to wipe after using the restroom because my huge belly is in the way.

10) listening to people tell you their childbirth horror stories (or those of someone they know).

11) cankles.

12) the entire first trimester, when i didn't want to eat ANYTHING, but everyone and every book says you should eat every 2 hours to help with the "morning sickness" (that actually lasts 24/7).

13) your husband noticing when your butt starts to get bigger and telling you about it.

14) the utter exhaustion. no one could have prepared me for how exhausted i am. especially in the very beginning, and it's coming back now that i'm in the 3rd trimester.

15) the stress of getting everything "ready" when you have no idea about most things.

16) nose bleeds. um. WTF? i had never in my life had a nose bleed before i got pregnant. now? like 3 times a week (or sometimes 3 times a day). and always at the most inconvenient times possible (like right when i'm walking out the door, only to get blood all over me and have to change AND soak a shirt that's got blood all over it...or at 3:00 am).

17) constipation. need i say more?

18) gas. oh, you only THOUGHT i burped a lot before. pssshhh. and this has definitely gotten BETTER towards the end--minor victory!

19) back pain. my mom told me she couldn't sleep for the last few weeks she was pregnant with me because her back was in such excruciating pain. last few weeks? HAH! my back has been hurting since like, week 12! and i have 11 weeks to go!

20) the rumored "horny pregnant woman?" urban myth. just sayin'. (and if any of you currently pregnant or past preggos disagree, keep it to yourself. also just sayin' because i might have to cut you.)

BOY HOWDY, am i glad that these 40-ish weeks of constant crazy side effects are going to yield such an amazing blessing:

Our baby boy, Hudson!

seriously, though: i know it will ALL be worth it (and if i hear one more person say that to me, i might projectile vomit all over them). we can't WAIT to meet our little boy. well, we can wait long enough to make sure his lungs can function on their own and long enough to make sure his nursery's all ready for him! but you know what i mean. :)


Terra said...

TRUE: ALL OF THE ABOVE. Just one of the many things that those cute pregnancy books tend to skim over. "What to Expect..." my ass. I read one book while pregnant with Adler that I like to call "The Down and Dirty TRUTH about Pregnancy." I wanted ALL the dirty details. But even that book could not completely discuss IN DEPTH all of the things that I was going to experience. But, Gayla. Brace yourself, the second's worse. You get bigger, FASTER. You have less time to rest because you are already taking care of one kid OUT of utero, so the one IN UTERO just has to get lugged around with a sleep deprived and poorly nourished mommy. The thing is...we chose to endure this joy of motherhood, so we take the good (the little that there is until the day our bundle comes) with the bad (everything else.) Love you! Glad you are getting close!

heather said...

This made me laugh so hard! The last few weeks seem like they'll never end, but he'll be here before you know it. And (don't cut me) it IS all worth it!

Candice said...

I would have to agree with most of that - but hey at least you didn't break out in itchy hives all over your body throughout your entire pregnancy :) Did you read Belly Laughs? That poor chick had it all - it really makes you feel better about all the crap you have! The finish line is in sight girlfriend - just keep truckin!

gayla said...

LOL! Glad you liked the post! I did read Belly Laughs--very funny!

Terra, I don't know how anyone is pregnant with a small child! I truly am NOT looking forward to that endeavor a few years from now!! :)

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